


Absolute Hope Birthday

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9209597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There's literally a canon song that's Komaeda singing about Hinata's birthday and being gay with Hinata and Hinata's birthday was like two weeks ago and um????????? smh @ all you folksA series of (un)related one shots based on the english phrases used in Absolute Hope Birthday.





	1. Boot Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use they/them pronouns for Komaeda because that's what I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can ask about it if you want.
> 
> This specific chapter is kamukoma and from kamukuras perspective (sort of lmao?) but I'll be all over the kamukomahina spectrum for the whole thing and from either of their perspectives, as well as all over the timeline, however I'm trying to keep things canon-compliant.
> 
> Uh also it's rated mature and most of this will have a teen rating, but I think we're all aware of the hook up and sex up and various other lines that can be interpreted in a nsfw manner. Yay

His mind was a machine. A perfect super-computer without a single virus or runtime error, a well-oiled mechanism with no kinks in its system, a finely tuned instrument that produced only the purest sounds.

Within the folds of his consciousness, he knew everything there was to know, from advanced calculus algorithms to historic facts. Every single one of his cortexes was grown and developed to their maximum potential, all working perfectly in sync to allow him to analyze, process, and act better than any human before him.

The scientists who worked on his creation were nothing but proud with their, or rather with his, accomplishments. They had believed they created not only the human embodiment of talent, but of all human capabilities, and most importantly, the human embodiment of Hope.

However, he knew he was capable of more than what they predicted, and capable of much more than what they wanted. The finest computer programs were those that could learn, and adjust and adapt by themselves accordingly. Sure, his feats were unmatched, but without the proper stimuli or the opportunity to learn, grow, and expand himself, he was nothing but a machine turned off. 

Despite his lack of growth potential, the Kamukura project had gone down as a glimmering success in many of the Hope’s Peak scientists’ books, but the project’s popularity aside, there were still those who were against the entire idea of human experimentation. Critics of the experiment were wary of how capable he was. A lingering “what if?” hung above each talent pumped into his mind. What if he turned against the academy? What if he becomes a conscious, free-acting super weapon? What if he isn’t the Hope of his original design?

Any piece of technology would grow outdated and obsolete if it was unable to update, and he would not allow himself to fall in this manner.

At the time these critics were laughed at, but after the horrific event of The Tragedy, the screams of the student council silenced these laughters. Fears that were previously thought to be fictitious worries became reality, and everything came down so fast; the school turning against itself, the Reserve Course mass suicide, the 77th class’ disappearance and then reappearance as SHSL Despairs, it wasn’t long before Hope’s Peak Academy forcibly closed its doors in a last attempt to save the few remaining students from the chaos of the outside world.

The scientists that had worked on the Kamukura project checked and double checked each step of the procedure trying to find an error, any errors that caused him to stray from Hope. They were puzzled mechanics trying to find a source of the machine’s malfunction, but all attempts were futile.

How ironic, that the single thing that was misanalysed was the presence of the SHSL Analyst herself and her ability to properly boot up the computer of his mind.

* * *

From his perch in Towa City he imagined what the city would look like in shambles. He had heard in passing that the metropolis was among the few safe places left in Japan, and knew his fellow SHSL Despairs, as well as the corrupted civilians who joined in the chaos, wouldn’t leave the city in its comfortable state for long.

Looking down at the city he could see a few factories, all noticeably large in size, and the perfect place for a certain SHSL Mechanic to mass produce any weapons of destruction. Many other sky scrapers broke the skyline, however none were as tall as his perch. These buildings contained offices. Offices could lead to business deals. The SHSL Gangster, Princess, and the SHSL Imposter (if they were still acting as the Heir) would benefit here. The future played out in his head, he could imagine any and all their predictable actions. He could hear their shouts and visualize their expressions as the SHSL Despairs tore the city to shreds.

Although he had never been officially part of their class, he had crossed paths with the SHSL Despairs many times, and as a result it was easy for him to anticipate their next moves. Over the time of the riots, they became a group he could count on. They were predictable, but all reliant and loyal. However, no matter their talent, they each had their limits. Both as SHSL Despairs, and as proper stimuli for his mind.

Even with their brainwashed minds, none of them matched Junko’s eccentric behaviour, or her shifting personality. To his disappointment she was still in the closed off Hope’s Peak, and the last he had heard from her was the second hand knowledge that she had commissioned numerous cameras, Monokumas, and 5 bizarre death traps from the SHSL Mechanic. He continued looking over the city he knew the SHSL Despairs could, and would most likely, wreak soon. Its patrons breathed easy and a calming buzz ran through the air. If he didn’t know any better, he would have concluded that the rumours were true, and that city was free of any Despair.

However he did know better and was beginning to wonder how much longer they would silently kneel behind him. They didn’t have the greatest health and should have been cramping up by now. It would be interesting to see how long they could last in their stationary position, but it would be a waste. Interacting with them was simply too interesting to wait.

“Up, Servant,” he said without turning around to watch the white haired person follow the order. He didn’t need to, he could hear their breathing and their shoe against the concrete roof as they stood. As they approached him their chain clinked against the zippers of their jacket, giving off a small, tuneless sound. They stopped to stand next to him and before even making eye contact they wordlessly bowed their head, silently waiting their next command.

It was just an impulse, a trail of neurons firing and nothing more, that forced his hand into their thin white hair and pulled their face to his. He knew for a fact that they were a single centimetre taller than him, five in their heeled boots, yet they always were looking up to him, and he couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy looking down at them.

Nagito Komaeda. The SHSL Luck, his self-appointed personal Servant, and the only one he hadn’t fully figured out.

Computers could only understand 1s and 0s. Yes and no. Black and white. There was always a single distinct answer for everything. Some answers were more complex than the next, but everything could be figured out and broken down to a simple yes or no.

Everything, but them.

From their first meeting when he had shot their chest and instead of dying or treating him with resentment they had shown him affection, to the unidentifiable expression currently on their face, he had yet to find them predictable.

They acted in untraceable patterns, made odd comments, and only seemed to have one consistent belief: Hope is the one and only absolute good.

He knew their mind was slowly decaying and was more than likely a reason for their unpredictable behaviour, but even this was only more than likely. Never before had he been uncertain about something or someone so fully, and their mysteries extended far beyond being an outlier of their dementia and holding their love for hope in an unconventional manner.

It was truly lucky that the only person who he could continuously deem to be interesting held him in such high favour. He definitely preferred them to Junko, despite her anomalies being far greater. With them it felt as if he was getting closer, always nearly reaching a simple understanding of their being, but he was always one unanswered problem away. The thrill of being so close, yet knowing nothing was the most intoxicating stimuli he had ever encountered.

His red eyes stared through black hair, looking them over and fruitlessly attempting to analyze them. They were grotesquely skinny, but were fairing well for someone who was scheduled to die over three years ago, and their tired, yet unnervingly calm, eyes sunk into their skull. A blush spread across their cheeks, most likely (and yes, only most likely) from their close proximity.

He looked to their lips, which were giving a slight, barely noticeable tremble, as if they were going to say something, or at the very least wanted to say something. Instead of mulling over what that “might be” he thought about kissing them.

They’ve shared more than a kiss over the last few months and it had been a substantial amount of time since he last had them, but he would allow them to speak. It was rare that they would initiate the conversation between the two, especially at the start of their encounter when their mind was still wrapped in layers upon layers of self-deprecative thoughts and anxiety, so whatever they say would be interesting to him at the very least.

He’ll never know if SHSL Luck was nothing more than a well-fitted alias, similar to Junko’s SHSL Fashion Girl title, and instead they were a SHSL Mind Reader. As if knowing he was expecting words, they straightened their posture and in one fluid motion they wrapped their arms around his neck and kissed him with confidence that had never been present in any of their previous encounters. A single hand began to play with his long hair, while he noticed that the other felt as if it was bulkier than usual against his neck, as if they were wearing a single mitten. He wouldn’t put it past their strange taste in fashion.

It wasn’t a hard, nor a rough kiss, and absolutely nothing close to what he usually gave them. They were soft and tender against him, as if they were lovers instead of riot accomplices with an odd and ill-defined master/servant dynamic he never thought about beyond their preferred title.

Their feelings of adoration, admiration and in all sense of the word, love, towards him were no secret between the two, just as his feelings only stemmed as far as the stimulation of their unpredictable nature was made clear. However, he has found that he was finding stimulation from more and more of their subtle features. It was as if their abnormal nature was spreading its way to his analytical skills.

Just as quickly as the kiss started, they pulled away. A moment passed and they continued to hold each other, his hand in their hair and their’s around his neck before they both pulled away. Without another word (or any words at that), but not without a knowing smile, they took a step off the edge of the building.

He felt his neutral face break its usual stone demeanour as his brain racked itself for what had just happened. He was well aware of their little self-worth and desire to die, but a single kiss couldn’t be the great hope they wanted to die for. They couldn’t be that unpredictable and reckless… right? Uncertainty washed over him as he concluded that yes, of course they could be.

Looking over the edge of the building, not having the slightest idea of what to expect, he was greeted with the loud noise of helicopter blades as it hovered up and over the building. A lanky figure was dangling from one of the aircraft’s landing feet, same smile on their pale face.

“Luck!” was all they could call out before the helicopter started on a new path towards another building in the city, taking them with it and ending their brief engagement.

He didn’t know, and didn’t want to know if they had knowingly left him with more uncertainties, more questions, and more stimuli than even he could even handle, but he appreciated the gesture nonetheless. Had they known the helicopter was there waiting? How had they avoided the rotating blades, but manage to catch onto the underside of the helicopter? What did that kiss mean? Every potential answer to the questions only caused more to enter his mind. Thanks to his Servant’s actions he’d be running probability analysis and redefining everything from their luck to their relationship.

His mind was a machine, so complex that his own creators, who were among the brightest minds of the time, were unable to properly boot him up. Yet this one young adult knew just the right buttons to press to not just perform a boot up, but keep him turned on for days on end, and his expanding and growing mind could not be more thankful for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch the edge. 
> 
> I'm planning to write a little something for each of the english phrases used in the choruses but I might write more I might write less, who knows!!!! (I sure don't) But yeah thats the plan but im a piece of shit so again who knows whats going to happen!!! Stay tuned for more!!!!!!!


	2. Warm Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me @ me: should they be warming up to one another, as in getting closer and more comfortable around each other or should they be warming up with each other, as in getting physically closer and raising their body heat
> 
> me @ me: yes?
> 
> takes place post-dr3:hope, komaeda uses both "hinata" and "kamukura" for hinata/kamukura, but the narration only uses "hinata."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the 6 month delay. i am still writing this trust me.

Hinata was still very impressed with how everyone was able to save face when persuading Mitarai to stop his plan and come with them instead. They had all been able to appear as the welcoming group of people that they truly are, as well as the stable group of people that they currently were not. Despair had taken a toll on all of them, and 20-odd days in a corrupted therapeutic simulation could only heal so much.

Although some of were fairing better than others, no one was where their mind was before Junko’s influence and it was unlikely that any of them would have a “full recovery.” Hinata knew that he would never be who he was before the Kamukura project, nor would he ever be who he was before the Neo World Program, but he knew he was still himself, shifting and changing through his states of mind, yet staying the same. It wasn’t his goal to return to being who he was before the surgery, a Hajime Hinata who was desperate and depressed. That wouldn’t be his full recovery. For himself, he wanted to be the best him that he could be, as both Hajime Hinata and Izuru Kamukura, and as any other aliases he might pick up along the way. He suspected the other’s wished for the same; to be the best versions of themselves that they could be.

Group therapy was common between the ex-classmates. Even if the majority could independently help themselves through traumatic episodes, taking turns shouldering one another’s pain or listening to one another voice their concerns and trauma was always better. They all would confide in one another, and were as close as they were when Chiaki led the class. Mitarai was seamlessly added to their traumatized mix, and based from his body language, he was relieved at that. He also was very relieved that he wouldn’t have to repress his stress or get over his problems quickly, and told Hinata as much in a more professional setting. They were all struggling and they were all recovering, but they were all in this together. 

Hinata and his SHSL Therapist talent didn’t just benefit Mitarai’s mental health, but Hinata had helped them all through something (whether it be a painful memory, a strong feeling of guilt, or anything of the like) since they woke up. Talking as a therapist to his friends didn’t feel too different from how he talked to them on the island, but all his not-really-classmates had told Hinata how his sessions had helped them.

Komaeda was the person who frequented Hinata’s service (or just general presence outside of the doctor’s office) the most. If Hinata was impressed with anyone's ability when they aided the Future Foundation it would have to be Komaeda. They had been the last to wake, only giving themself two days of consciousness before they had to set out on the boat, and only hours to get used to their new limb. When coaxing Mitarai away from broadcasting his anime worldwide Komaeda was just as cheerful and put-together as the others. 

At the time, neither their dementia or lymphoma visibly affected them, and Komaeda didn’t voice a single complaint while they were traveling back to the island, but upon the ship’s return Komaeda slipped into a critical state. Their cancer was interfering with their regular air flow, causing them panic which led to them becoming unconscious.

Over the days Komaeda spent bedridden and recovering from this Hinata found himself more and more at Komaeda's bedside. What had started as a series of strictly professional check-ups had evolved into a personal, close relationship. Despite Komaeda’s belief that Hinata had much more important manners to take of, Hinata faithfully accompanied Komaeda at any chance he could get. When Hinata told Komaeda that his presence couldn't be shaken by all the incomplete reports in the world, a spark of “something more” began.

Even after Hinata and Tsumiki deemed Komaeda healthy enough to leave the hospital, more often than not Hinata and Komaeda would find themselves in one another’s company. There were medical reasons, of course that contributed to this (similar attacks that Komaeda had from lymphoma or dementia, physiotherapy and tune-ups for their robotic hand, chemotherapy and various tests Hinata would run to try to cure and monitor Komaeda’s diseases, or general counselling for either of them), but the pair had once again become the friends they were before the first murder in the simulation. 

Being constantly at Komaeda's side led to them becoming closer, both socially and physically. They would share a towel while lounging on the beach and slather sunscreen on each other. Hinata would hold doors open for a blushing Komaeda and Komaeda insisted on being the one who clears Hinata’s plate after every meal while the SHSL Hope would stutter out a “You don’t have to do that.” 

Their budding relationship hadn’t been something either of them, as well as everyone else on the island had failed to acknowledge. This encouraged a few tasteless jokes, mainly surrounding the two already acting like an old married couple and how Komaeda doesn’t have a proper ring finger, but even with the pressure of their unintentionally over-bearing friends (not to mention Souda and Kuzuryuu already arguing over who would be Hinata’s best man) the pair had yet to formally act on their shared emotions. Both were still testing the waters, warming up to the other, waiting for the right time to make things official. 

One afternoon Hinata had asked Komaeda to help them clean his cabin. Hinata wasn’t a messy person by any means (the sheer amount of reports, supply and inventory records, and all other things he had to keep organized and up to date spoke for themselves) but he had allowed the dust and grime build up in his cottage. It wasn’t a long or hard chore, and Komaeda happily agreed. With Komaeda helping out, Hinata’s cottage was pristine in no time. Komaeda had always been a quick and efficient cleaner, and Hinata couldn’t help but noticed that the dedication they had towards Hinata carried over through the enthusiasm in their work.

Hinata had planned his schedule around this chore taking the entire afternoon, and was thankful for the free time he now had. Komaeda also had nothing planned for the day (they didn’t have the responsibilities Hinata had and hardly ever made a schedule for themself, allowing luck and the other’s request to fill the events of their day) so the pair had decided relaxing in Hinata’s bed would be an excellent way to spend the next few hours.

Komaeda was looking over their hands as they leaned against Hinata. They were slowly opening and closing their hands, first their right, then left, watching their metal fingers mimic the movement of the flesh hand perfectly. Hinata couldn’t help but watch, mesmerized by the simple movement. 

“Let me see your hands,” Hinata said, reaching for Komaeda’s hands. A second before Hinata could grab them, Komaeda sat up, bringing themself away from where Hinata was laying down.

“You look with your eyes, Kamukura-kun,” they said matter-of-factly, holding their hands close to their chest. Months ago Hinata would be worried that he had over-stepped a boundary and he had made Komaeda uncomfortable, but in this moment Hinata knew Komaeda was just being stubborn for the sake of teasing Hinata. The small smirk on their face was telling of their currently playful nature. 

Hinata smiled as he sat up, eye level with Komaeda. It was comforting to know that Komaeda was at a stage where they could joke and tease Hinata, without having to second-guess themself out of anxiety. Slowly Hinata moved his hands so they were positioned in between him and Komaeda, palms facing up. 

After a moment of looking into Hinata’s eyes, Komaeda placed their hands on top of Hinata’s. The sensation of smooth metal and dry skin as Hinata’s fingers intertwined with theirs was outweighed by how cold both of Komaeda’s hands were.

The island was never truly cold. Even out of the program and its perfect conditions, the weather pattern of the island had been relatively consistent. Warm, sunny, and clear skies had greeted them nearly every day since they returned to the island after stopping Mitarai all those months ago. Komaeda still wore their overly long green coat and skinny jeans, and Hinata’s cottage (like every cottage) wasn’t air conditioned. There was no reason for Komaeda’s right hand to be this cold. The metal one sure (it had a built-in heat sink to prevent the technologies within the hand from over-heating), but the hand that still had blood flowing through it being this temperature was concerning. 

“Your hand is so cold,” Hinata said, slighting shaking his left and Komaeda’s right hand. It was stated like a fact but worry carried in his tone.

Komaeda answered with a quick “Yes,” and said nothing more, either not picking up the concern in Hinata’s voice, or not seeing this as a problem. 

“It means your circulation is poor,” Hinata elaborated, explaining the issue to Komaeda. Poor blood circulation was often the reason for cold hands, as well as nerve damage, but because of Komaeda’s prosthetic and dementia, Komaeda’s nerves was something Hinata had to be constantly aware of, and he knew they couldn’t have been the culprit here. Rubbing his thumb against Komaeda’s hand in a knowingly fruitless effort to help warm them, Hinata looked at the contrast between his own tanned fingers and Komaeda’s sickly grey ones, silently scolding himself for not taking action sooner.

“You need to add some more vitamins to your diet,” now looking into Komaeda’s eyes to make sure they were listening. Eyeing their thin face and neck, raised collarbones, and hollowed cheeks Hinata took a moment and rephrased his sentence. “You need to really just add more food to your diet.”

Komaeda looked down and then to the side, their eyes taking an interest in Hinata’s clean wooden floor. “I’ll think about it,” they said quietly after a moment. 

“Komaeda, you know how you always say ‘Yes Kamukura-kun’ or ‘of course Hinata-kun?’ and I tell that you don't always have to mindlessly agree with me or do everything I say?”

A nod, their eyes still downturned and facing away from Hinata.

“Yeah, this isn’t one of those times. You need to eat more. I’m telling you that as a friend and a professional medical doctor. Got that?” Hinata kept his voice calm, but assertive. Even if he was Komaeda’s doctor, Hinata didn’t like having to take such control over Komaeda. In a perfect world Komaeda would follow Hinata’s instruction, and not just because doing so would make Hinata happy, but because they wanted to help themself. Komaeda would often ignore any suggestions that they would directly benefit from, and this was far from the first time Hinata had to remind Komaeda to eat more, and Hinata knew it wouldn’t be the last. They didn’t live in a perfect world after all.

Hinata waited for a nod or an affirming statement. After too long of a moment Komaeda only responded with “I don’t do all of that mindlessly, you know. It’s all with a purpose, and it’s the same purpose I would happily give myself to over and over.” Komaeda’s eyes returned to Hinata, a passion shining in their grey irises. “My individual eating habits don’t matter in the grand scheme of your hope and definitely don’t matter in the sense of the world’s hope.”

Komaeda’s dependency on hope hasn’t wavered from the intensity it was when they first started Hope’s Peak, and if living as a Super High School Level Despair couldn’t make them give up on hope, then living a peaceful and relaxing life had no chance. Komaeda wasn’t as vocal or active on the subject as they once were, but Hinata knew their feelings were still there, and also knew that he couldn’t reason around their feelings even with his SHSL Debater talent. He would have to take a different approach; build off of Komaeda’s hope instead of refuting it.

“If you don’t eat more, your body won’t be able to have proper blood circulation. If you don’t have proper blood circulation then your hand and feet won’t get the blood they need. If they don’t get that then, among some serious long-term concerns, I’ll be stuck holding hands with a block of ice.” As he finished his argument Hinata brought their intertwined hands to his lips, and kissed the backs of Komaeda’s cold hands. Hinata smiled at the faint blush spreading its way across Komaeda’s face. Hinata wondered if Komaeda was healthier, would their blush be deeper? That would be something to look forward too.

“You could always hold hands with someone else.” Just as they did earlier, Komaeda pulled their hands back into themself, trying to receding into something even smaller than they actually were. Although a pain in Komaeda’s words was there, they continued to blush and as the looked away Hinata swore he could see a smile shape their lips. 

“I am trying to flirt with you,” Hinata retorted, almost sarcastically. As obvious as the statement was, saying it out loud was helpful for both of them. Komaeda often couldn’t pick up on simple social cues due to their dementia, and needed clarification. Hinata wanted to make his stance as clear as possible to Komaeda, and make sure Komaeda knew that this was his active choice and Komaeda hadn’t “accidentally manipulated him into having feelings for trash” as they once would say.

Even though they often shared overly long hugs, or the (more than) occasional sleep over, that could only be interpreted as something romantic, expressing their feelings and actions orally was always a good thing. Especially since they haven’t applied official partner labels to one another and their “relationship” often went formally unsaid.

“I know, Hinata-kun,” they replied in a soft tone, pausing a moment to carefully choose their next words. “I am only trying to get you to realize that your feelings may be misplaced.” A small pause followed and Hinata was too slow to react before Komaeda continued down their path. “Someone like me doesn’t deserve to even entertain the idea of being loved by someone like you. The advances you’re making are more than I could ever ask for, and I know I’m pushing my luck by indulging in the pleasure of this.” Komaeda punctuated their sentence by bringing their right hand to Hinata’s left, placing theirs on top of his where it rested on the sheets. 

Hinata couldn’t help but feel hurt at Komaeda’s words. Not because they were discrediting the love he felt for them, but because after months of awkward, and even not-so-awkward flirting where they both made their mutual feelings clear, Komaeda still thought so little of themself. The fact that they believed they didn’t deserve to love or be loved, or to be healthy or cared for or a whole slew of basic rights was heartbreaking. Sure, Hinata understood that these feelings were rooted in their depression, anxiety, and trauma (which were all rooted deep into Komaeda’s personality and being just as deep as their luck cycle was) and were things Komaeda could barely control, but it was heartbreaking nonetheless. 

Over the past months they would both push their limits, hoping something would break and Komaeda would accept that they could love Hinata without consequence and that they could make things official. Komaeda would make ill-timed (and often socially inappropriate) comments and compliments about or to Hinata, while Hinata would be blunt with his feelings, much like their current situation. During their frequent sleepovers, Hinata had figured that one of their heart to hearts would lead somewhere, but Komaeda had alwaysed pulled away, not yet ready to take the plunge. With each sequential night together, Hinata could see and feel Komaeda getting more comfortable with themself, with Hinata, and with the idea of them as a couple, but nothing ever came out of those nights. Regardless, seeing Komaeda’s progression was worth waking up with a mouthful of white hair and Hinata would happily suffer through a million nights of getting elbowed or getting his blanket stolen if it meant Komaeda was comfortable enough to be his datefriend. 

Noticing that Komaeda hadn’t moved their hand off of his, Hinata knew that despite their discouraging words, they still wanted to be here with Hinata, even if they weren’t ready to be _with_ Hinata yet. Some might lose the patience to be with someone like Komaeda, unable to keep up with being so close to one another, but not be in a relationship, but Hinata was more than capable at continuing at this pace.

Hinata brought his right hand to cup Komaeda’s cheek. As if working on instinct, Komaeda craned their neck towards Hinata’s hand, closing their eyes as they were comforted by Hinata’s touch. Hinata leaned in, their faces now only a few inches apart.

“What do you think would happen if I kissed you?” Hinata asked, slowly and softly. “Have you quantized the amount of bad luck that would cause? Did you remember to account for my own luck canceling your’s out? I’m sure the net result couldn’t be anything significantly dangerous.” His voice was sweet and coaxing, trying to make Komaeda ponder on the good possibilities instead of their usual extreme and negative speculations. 

“Kamukura-kun, you know I want this more than anything in the world,” was the only answer they supplied. Their eyes remained shut as they spoke, but there was a hurt in their voice, as if they were worried that Hinata would kiss them and the terrible things Komaeda didn’t voice would transpire as the bad luck to cancel out the good luck from the kiss.

“I’m not going to kiss you Komaeda, you can open your eyes.” When Komaeda did, Hinata heard them deeply exhale, and they started to look more relaxed. Their icy right hand was still on top of Hinata’s warm left hand, and they used this for leverage as they shifted their body to lay back down. Hinata followed suit, bringing his head to rest beside Komaeda’s halo of white hair.

“I know you want this, and you know I want this, but I also know that it will take some time for your brain to warm up to this, to “us.” I don’t want you to be beating yourself up over our first kiss. I want it to be a comfortable, happy experience for the both of us. I care for you too much to give you anything less.” Using the hand that wasn’t under Komaeda's, Hinata brushed some hair out of Komaeda’s face, noting the ex-lucky student beginning to drift off. 

Hinata steadied his own breath and whispered a final “I love you” to a silent Komaeda. It wasn’t the first time the phrase was said between the pair, but it was the first time Komaeda didn’t hastily disagree with the statement. Hinata would have credited that to Komaeda being asleep, but just before Hinata himself nodded off, he saw a small movement in Komaeda’s mouth and heard a very soft “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (the joke is that it wouldn't be their first first kiss but bc of dementia, being brainwashed into despair, and multiple self inflected brainwashing to forget, it would be more like their third or forth first kiss)


End file.
